Monday, November 3, 2008

the bastard ex.

When I first broke up, I believe all the crappy reasons that he gave me about how he still loved me but everything is not the same anymore since I couldn't even trust him just because someone told me they saw him hugging a girl in a mall in KL. I thought I was wrong that I should have trusted him, that I shouldn't have doubted him the way I did. I took in all his bullshits and craps no matter how unreasonable it may have sounded. And let him go since that's all he wanted.

It took me a week to finally realized that I still loved him, that I have yet to let go. Finally, I bailed my eyes out after a week that I got dumped. I know, I'm slow.

But what do you expect when he still asked me out and we still do have some intimate moment even after we broke up in that week? I was stupid enough to let him do whatever he did. It was plain idiocy.

How I wish I did slap him when he touch me in a way that is just plain wrong for someone who isn't his girl anymore. How I wish I did yell at him when he fed me with all the bullshits that came out from his mouth.

Too bad, it's too late.

Fortunately, it took me less than a month only to finally realized that my ex is actually a total jerk. Yes, he is a jerk.

I have defended him at the very beginning when we just broke up even though whatever he said to me doesn't even make sense to begin with. It was obvious it's all just lame excuses to get away from me.

What make me realized? Because I told him, I am 101% sure that he is going to have a new girl not even a month after we broke up. And there he is, being in another relationship soon enough.

But no, that's not why he's a jerk.

He's a bastard because he lied to me when I was trying to tell myself to trust him even though I so wanted to doubt him when we were together. He just have to prove my doubt right.

I suspected him having another girl out there in KL, he denied in every possible way and I thought he didn't lie. Yes, I was stupid. Thank you.

So, in the end, I still found out that he really did have another girl out there. Let me emphasize on one thing, which is he has another girl out there before we broke up! I guess everyone is smart enough to actually know that he cheated on me behind my back.

He kept denying that it's the truth even though I said I saw all evidence that can prove me right. Why can't he just admit it that he cheated on me? Is it so difficult to say yes that he did cheat on me?

Of course I didn't say all those with no evidence at all.

First, there's one time that he went clubbing with whoever friends that he told me and I saw some pictures. He and the girl is hugging in the group picture. Tell me, he's too high to notice he's actually hugging someone, that it's nothing. Yes, my ass. So he's too high to hug the same girl at every pictures, too? Yeah, he's definitely super high if so.

Second, he went to the malls with a bunch of friends because some of them want to buy some stuff. Then I saw pictures of the peeps camwhoring where he stood beside the girl in every pictures. Pure coincidence? Definitely it's pure coincidence when his hand was on the girl's waist that they're both practically sticking to each other stickier than elephant glue in a few pictures.

Third, I saw the intimate pictures he took with the girl which involved kissing poses which was taken on some day before we officially broke up. What he didn't tell me it's okay to actually hug and kiss another girl when we were in the relationship? I would have thought it was okay if he tell me, you know. Yeah, right.

There's still tons of others proof which can prove what I assumed is right and yet, he's still want to continue his lie to me of how he was so loyal even after we broke up.

I hate people lying to me. No matter who the hell they are, I still hate people lying to me.

What he feeding me with words telling me that I was still special to him even though we were not couple anymore. It's plain bullshit to begin with. It's more like he's guilty.

If the guilt is so eating him out that he has to treat me Starbucks and buy me stuff after we broke up, I'll rather he just tell me the truth that he did all those stuff behind my back. I'll rather to hear the truth than to be fed with all those bullshits that he has been making up.

Why am I writing this after two months? Not because I still bear any feelings for him but is because I have always wanted to write this after I found out the truth but I was still kind enough to actually care about his feelings and reputation and hence I kept it to myself.

But no, not anymore. I don't give a damn anymore because I, myself is so much more important compare to the jerk who lie to me and continue to lie even after we broke up.

All I care is me now and if hating him makes me feel better, then why not? After what he did to me, he wouldn't actually expect me to still be good friend with him, would him? He would have took all the advantage of me after we broke up but I'm not gonna be so stupid to let him continue for the rest of my life.

Don't tell me that after breaking up, we should still be friends. Yes, I would if he didn't actually lie to me and still lying to me.

I wouldn't even stay friend with someone if he or she actually lie to me seriously not to mention someone I used to be in a relationship with.

So, it's impossible because he's so out of my life in every single aspect.

You might say I'm bitter. I might be bitter but who cares? Because this is how I am going to make myself feel better. So what if he feel offended I actually write this about him? I actually so wish for him to read this.

To know that I actually already know the truth that he has been cheating on me. I am no more clueless taking in every words he fed me.

I have no word for the girl whom he is with to cheat on me. She should see what kind of a person he is for real because if the two of them can make it last forever, congratulation! Both of them might just be the best ever couple of matching bastard and bitch.

So what I'm being mean now? I can't be mean when they were the one who started it first?

Say I'm bitter! Say I'm jealous.

I don't give a damn.


Party if you're single, mourn if you're not.

The relationship was so terrible, I suffered so much for just being with him. It's so not worth it and yes, I regretted. I would have just stay single forever because that seems to be what makes me happy the most.

Oh by the way, for those who have yet to notice, yes, I have broken up two months ago and the one I'm talking about in this whole entry is my ex. Need no mention of name since I guess most of you know who he is to begin with.

And so, I'm done bitching!



Mike said...

its sometime good to be single...
but i feel there are more good things being in a relationship...
but before entering, do keep ur eyes widely open, and when in one, do not shut ur eyes or blinded by it...

the most beautiful promises in a relationship r normally those that can't be fulfill... they r just meant to be sweets...

stella said...

thanks for your words, mike. =)

i'm very clear about my choice for the mean time.

JustJasmine said...

Must be painful. But it's sure wise to leave the jerk and enjoy life to the fullest.

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