Monday, March 23, 2009

ma Blog is fake.

The other night that I went yumcha with ma friend who came back from Singapore suddenly, we talked about our blogs where she told me she actually comes here to check for updates almost every single time she is online.

I feel very happy to know about that, I never thought I still have such loyal fans or more like friend. *lol*


But she was complaining of how I didn't update ma blog as much anymore and how I abandon it for weeks before coming back to update.

What I told her is that, it's not like I purposely didn't want to update but sometimes there's just too much assignment and I will feel guilty if I blog instead of doing ma assignment instead.


While she complained sometimes ma blog is so boring, not as interesting anymore.

What can I say? When you actually stayed at home for days and didn't go nor do anything at all, there wouldn't be anything interesting to write about, no?



Worse... she commented that it's getting fake in here.

I am not going to deny it.



She said it's so fake that it's just all about happy post in here. It isn't real anymore as how it used to be where I blogged about anything that happened to me.

Emo post, angry post, sad post, heartbroken post, in love post, all doesn't seem to exist in here anymore.



I do agree with her.

Seriously.



She is a blogger, too.

But much of a real person compare to me now.



She has this blog with no advertisement because it is hosted by Multiply itself, a social network where I used to start blogging. I believe she doesn't really care about advertisement either.

Compare to me, I have advertisement on ma blog. Naiveness thinking that maybe I could earn from this.


While she blogged almost consistently now, while I only blogged few times a month, sometimes even worse than that.


She writes about her happy days, her unhappy days, her heartbreaks, her disappointments, her love, her everything, all her emotions.

While I only write about ma happy days, ma daily life with no emotion involved, reviews, pictures, nothing else.



She practically pointed it out that ma blog has turn into something so fake now. It doesn't even tell anything about me anymore.

And it hurts to hear someone pointing it out even though I've already know it long time ago.



How I wish I could blog like her, blog like how I used to be.



No matter how emo I am, how unhappy I am or how angry I am, I don't know why I just can't bring maself to blog about it anymore no matter how much I wanted to.

I don't wish to offend anyone especially when I don't mean to.



I am so scared of hurting anyone especially the one I love.



I don't know since when I've turn into this person who is so afraid of things, being so scared all the time.

Some people might say this just show maturity where it wasn't only about me alone but to think of other people as well.

But to me, to ma friend, we do think it's fake instead.


How I wish I could start blogging of what makes me unhappy anymore.

I tried, but yet I don't want those people whom I'ma gonna talked about to read ma blog and got all upset just because I want to express maself.



I'ma so mad at maself when I can't even express it when I'm angry.

When I'm angry at those people who try to tell untrue stuff about me, who doesn't even know me to begin with, who try to keep telling untrue things to the one I love.

When I'ma angry at those people whom are so called friends of one trying to pull him down all the time and keep saying that he's cheap and low and not worth it.

When I'ma angry at those people who doesn't understand and yet act like they do.


I'm always angry, full of angst because of those people and yet... I can't do anything about it. I can't even blog about it!

Urgh!


I feel so frustrated over maself, I feel so annoyed.



I seriously wish to tell those people who don't know anything but act like they do, please shut up and mind your own business because you don't understand and never will you.

While to those who keep on telling untrue stuff about me, same to you, too. Keep your mouth shut because you don't even know me and I don't even want to know you to begin with.

And to those who are always full of jealousy, pulling others down just to make yourself feel happy, I so wish to let them know, it just show how low and cheap they are to act like that. So not worth it, such dirt.



There's so many times that all those stuff pissed me off and yet... I've always kept it to maself.

Never have I tell anyone, not even ma good friend, no one at all.



Sigh. It's getting difficult to keep everything in me.

What if I explode one day? What if I can't take it anymore?



I seriously don't know.



I will just ended up being super emo.

And yet, I still can't tell anyone!!



People hate emo peeps like me, but wth, can't I even be emo?

I wish I could be seriously emo.



At least it helps me release maself for a while, it makes me feel better.

I'ma sorry I'ma such an emo.




I can't even be.

So emotionless.



8 comments:

Sue Me said...

Take a chill pill..just coz you have ads in you blog doesnt mean you lost touch with writing. I do have ads too and I am earning bits by bits but I am still passionate about blogging. It's all about passion. PASSION FRUIT!!

wtf..

stella said...

hahaha. it's not that, it's just that it's not real anymore.
i can't bitch anymore when i'ma bitchy!

i wanna bitch!! XD

♥ cOnNie ♥ said...

♥ darling..
♥ *pat pat*

stella said...

thanks darling. ^^

Hawk said...

Bitch your heart out, don't care what others think of you. Let them judge you, but you know who you are :)

stella said...

hawk, nice one. =)

vivi-angel said...

hey dear, but now i think that u busy and focus ur forum leader job right! add oil ner! support u!

stella said...

thanks dear. ^^

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