Thursday, January 21, 2010

I dream of fairytale.

I'ma trying to at least find one sweet picture to put in this post.

But I just couldn't manage. Not anymore.


None in dA that suits, none that make sense to me now.



After a year, I am back to believing in real honest love doesn't exist anymore.

Or it never do exist in this world to begin with.


How much I crave for what I used to have for the past one year.

Those care, those attention, those love.


But I just can't bring maself to believe it is all genuine anymore.


Or I was just plain dumb enough to be sucked into something I never believe before this.

Real honest love.



Honest love? Is there even such thing to begin with.

I wonder how many out there in a relationship that has never lie, that never hide anything from the other half, that is honest all the time.

Even old couples, old sweet couples that I still see holding hands out in the public, how many of them who went through their lives so far without a single lie from the other half?


I wonder.



I see young couples, being all in love, all sweet and cuddly.

In the end, there are all lies lurking behind everything, waiting to explode. When it does, everything sweet and nice turn sour and ugly. So common, so easily seen, everywhere.


I see adult couples, being all responsible, all lovely and together.

What everyone do not know is what being hidden behind from view, what nobody knows. It could be white lies as they call it, it could be broken promises, it could just be anything that might hurt the other half.

Everything seems fine on the surface, everything seems just lovely when nobody knows about all those. But when someone does, even a 10 years relationship could be ruined. 10 years, 1 decade, whole lots of time together, gone.


I see married couples, having children, together building a happy family.

What's hidden that nobody knows, there are lies everywhere. Scandals, affairs or just plain having fun out there when the other half is not around.

No string attached, no harm done. That is what they thought, no harm done. But what happened when it all leak out from the bag? Divorce, ruined family, sacred children memories.


I see old married couples, still sweet and caring, together looking at their children all grown up.

But how much do we know that they have never gone through lies and broken promises? How much do we know that they are still going through lies and all? At least they survived the relationship till old, perhaps till the end of their lives but how much do we know?



I have seen lies, I have seen broken promises, I have seen whole lots. Not in ma immature, just for fun relationship. I doubt I even have those before, I wonder.

I have seen those all in relationships of the teenagers, the grown up, the young married, the married with children, the old married couples and whatsoever not.

I have not seen one that has not gone through lies, I have not seen one that holds on to real honest love till the end.


None.

And that is what I want, what I wish for, what I dream of.



Pretty stupid, I know.

Very dumb, I know, too.



But that is ma perspertive of love.

It should be fairytale like, it should be real, it should be honest.



What we have in this world is nothing like that.

It shouldn't be called love.


Though I clearly know, fairytale doesn't exist.

Hence I don't know how to accept the love in this world either.


That would practically means accepting lies, accepting broken promises, accepting whatever's not genuine, whatever's fake.

I can't.



And it'a painful now, craving of what I thought I had for the past one year.

I repeat, those care, those attention, those love.


Those that I thought I have lost, or maybe the truth, I have never had have them to begin with.

Those care, those attention, those love.


Or in the harsh reality, they never meant to exist, they never meant to be real.

Those care, those attention, those love.



Ouch.







Those care, those attention, those love.

Gone.



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