Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 05 - At times you thought about ending your own life.

I'm finally back after a week.
Back here in my blog I mean.

Been on the road all either busy or just internet has been sucky.
Moving house and settling down and yes, broadband at the new house is killer.

I can't even load my own blog, not to mention actually updating it.
So basically I can't do much at home now with the snail speed internet.

Can't even do work and I have been practically just rotting at home.

So anyway, am back with the 30 Day Challenge post.
I am up to Day 05 now and the topic is 'At time you thought about ending your own life.'

Which means at times when I feel suicidal?

I would say I have my times especially through my life when I am growing up.
Still growing up though, or precisely growing old now.

I always have negative thoughts when I grew up as a kid.
Especially when it reached the teenage time of my life, it kind of got serious.

Always emo, some people would say.
Exactly would be always emotional and thinking of nonsense and making my ownself feel bad.

I guess during those time I have my share of thoughts.
Ending own life thoughts? I guess.

I can't remember precisely of when, how, why though.

But during a certain downfall in my life due to some certain male species, I swear to myself and decided I should be happy go lucky instead and stop being such an 'emo' person.

I know the downfall part due to certain male species was stupid.
I don't deny that I was stupid and that it was stupid.

But I guess the good thing I got from it was I finally decided and swear off to be positive, optimistic and be a 'happy kid'.
'Happy kid', that was those words I kept telling myself at that time which was about 4 years ago maybe.

Since then I tried to be happy, I always try to find stuff to make myself happy.
I always believe that if I can't make myself happy, no one can.

Though stopped being emo, I guess it killed the part of 'thought about ending own life'.
I guess my emo-ness turned to be anger instead.

I am such an angry person at times, my ex would know that well.
So no suicidal thoughts, but angry thoughts.

I don't know which is worse though.
Maybe angry thoughts is better than suicidal one.

No more 'thought about ending own life'.

Used to have.
I even write suicidal notes.

Just for the sake of writing.
I like writing or more like rambling on the internet of which we call blog.

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